Six Stages of Grief

I think everybody, at least once in a life time, had the worst broken heart ever. And for you who feel “yeah, rite!” about what I just wrote, be careful, you might feel it too. 

According to Elizabeth Cudler Ross: When we are dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through 5 distinct stages of grief. But from my experienced and also others, there are 6 stages of grief, especially after broke up. Yess, They look different on all of us, but there are always 6. 

1.  Denial

Usually, the minutes after broke up, we denying. Refuse to accepting that its over.  We kept saying on our mind that: “This isn't happening” or “I just had a bad dream and tomorrow when I woke up, this nightmare is gone!” Or anything we said that comfort us. This is happened because we incapable considered or being conceived that we just losing someone and the feel of loss is so unthinkable.

2.   Anger 

When we finally face the reality. We become angry with ourselves, angry with everyone, even angry with God. kept saying that this isn't right! Why this is happened? What did I do? I don't deserve this! We think that if we put a blame into somebody, we might feeling better. And then we leaning on "Karma", pray that it would happen as quickly as possible. Start thinking about sweet revenge and so on. 

3.  Bargaining

Later, we exhausted with anger and had a feeling that its leads to nowhere, then we started to bargain. We begging, we plead, we offer some ideas, we giving everything we have in exchange for just one more changes. we said sorry, we keep promise to do everything we can to make this happen. This is the time when we’re not using our logic, the fear of living alone is very frightening us.

4.  Despair

When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we depress and having a despair, I think this is the worst period. We may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time with crying and grieving, disconnect our self from anything that reminds us  from anything that resembles the past. At this point, Adele becomes your favorite singer and put all of her album into your ipod. Hahaha. Somebody’s broken heart becomes you favorite song. But at this moment usually give us a time to think, to discover who we really are and what we really want. 

5.   Acceptance

Finally we accept that we have done everything we can. We realized that this is a part of our journey as a human, we say hello and we said goodbye. We let go move into acceptance. Each of us come up with quotes that give us strength. Some of us telling that, “I might not his best partner, so do his/her might not my best partner”. Or we including God by telling that “God knows what’s best for me”.  Or some simple ideas: “things don’t always workout the way you plan”, “shit happens” etc.

6.  Relapse

This is the additional stages after the acceptance, sometimes the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again. We started with “what if” question  if things were different. Its unfinished feelings, and always, every time its shows up, it takes your breath away, hurts so much. But we can control it, the best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes again. 

Its kinda creepy right? Why the ideas of broke up become such a psychological things?! Well. Wait until you feel it. What am I gonna says that we might feel never the same again, the wound never exactly healing, it hurts so much, but trust me, Insya Allah your life its more better. Because you just passing the phase of suffering or distress over affliction of loss. Nobody said that “Ikhlas” is always easy, huh?!

14012012 | 22.30 | a half year after broke up | :)